Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
