im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
