Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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