my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
