matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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