I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
