I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
