so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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