My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My vagina is very pro this idea
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
