Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
