A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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