My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
