You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
