Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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