What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My ass is underappreciated
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
