Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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