Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
