Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
