Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
