I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
