if i can run in heels then i can drive
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We were destined to go to rehab together
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
