I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
