i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
