i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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