She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
