Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
