This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
