I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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