I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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