I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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