I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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