overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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