Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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