do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
