Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
