If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
