it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
