He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
