I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
