Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
