And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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