I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
