I will die if light touches me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
