Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am available for nakedness
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
