You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I understand Curling. That high.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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