Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the condom got lost in my hair
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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