she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
