hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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