I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
