I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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