Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
