is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
