i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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