worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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